i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
