did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
that is very illegal...i love you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
