Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
