Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So squirting runs in the family.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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