I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
