Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
