Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
