tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
