I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
