DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
