singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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