so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
