The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
