they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
