A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I need to align my fucking chakras
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