We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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