he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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