I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
