Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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