We're facebook friends in real life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
