I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
