On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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