Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
