Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
