I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
