My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
