well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
