I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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