OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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