Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
