So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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