chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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