finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
