Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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