My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
