Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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