I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
