I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
