Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
