i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
