At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
