i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
