I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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