I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
