my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize