She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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