I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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