Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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