no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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