oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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