i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
