I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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