My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
