yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
