apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You made out with two different species that night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize