You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
