this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
