and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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