i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
