I want to walk on stilts...naked
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
