And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
