2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
the raccoons are back...
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