I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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