I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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