I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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