im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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