My first STD was from a foam party
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
