Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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