Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
