i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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