its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
