i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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