fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
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