If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I died a long time ago.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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