I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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