i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
