you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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